So it’s the first day of December.
It’s the season of festivities, good cheer and a chance to prepare for the all-important…
I absolutely love New Year’s Eve! I would clean my bedroom, buy new Sleepwear and do my New Year’s beautifying and pampering regime. Every year. I would prepare myself superficially on the outside. I would eat Peking Duck and pancakes (that I don’t really like) and flick between films, Jools Holland’s Annual Hootenanny and other New Year’s Eve coverage, waiting eagerly in anticipation for…
Ten…nine…eight…seven…six…five…four…three…two…one…HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
I would text all of my friends. I would phone my relatives and congratulate them on seeing the New Year, ask what their resolutions were and announce mine proudly.
I would be beaming.
A new chapter had begun. A chance to wipe the slate clean.
This New Year would be the year! The Year that my life changed. The year that I would sort out my career, find the love of my life and begin my journey to achieving my full potential. I would go to the gym – get rid of the excess Christmas weight I had put on and become leaner and fitter.
I was so full of great intentions. The first day of the New Year, I would be rearing to go, trying to prove to others (more than myself) that I had changed. I might maintain it for a few days, (a few weeks if I was lucky!) but my enthusiasm would surely and gradually fizzle out. I would start to make excuses – it was too cold to go the gym or I had other things to do. I would go tomorrow and then the day after, then the day after that….
I was back in the same ridiculous rut.
Others weren’t surprised. In fact, they were expecting it! “You go through too many fads, Nad,” I would be told. “We were actually wondering how many days it would take you to revert to normal.” I had proved them right yet again and infuriatingly so. When had my ability for (a lack of) persistence become so predictable?
This whole scenario would leave me scratching my head. Now, there has never been a doubt that I wanted to improve my life situation and what better time than the magical time of New Year? For it to work, the metamorphosis had to start then – starting before or after would surely jinx my efforts! I could put aside all of my failures (they would be so last year!!) and start afresh, like a caterpillar transforming into a beautiful butterfly. So why couldn’t I keep my resolutions?
Was it laziness?
Was I playing Agent Self-Saboteur?
Did I secretly or subconsciously love my rut?
WHAT WAS I DOING WRONG??
Quite a lot as it happens. Have you identified any reasons?