To the one whom I once cherished,
It’s me. I know it’s been a lifetime since we’ve communicated but there are things I must express.
Times with you were my happiest and I will never forget them. We were of one mind. We could achieve anything, EVERYTHING. Do you remember those dreams we used to have in our younger days of what we would one day become? Nothing seemed impossible. There were no limits imposed on us. What fun we had! I would tell you everything and you would always encourage me.
What happened? What caused our relationship to shred apart? I have missed you so much, there’s a yawning chasm that resides in my soul. We have been galaxies apart and I know it has been my fault. It was me. All me. I pushed you away. Relentlessly.
I am sorry.
At what age did we drift? Thirteen, fourteen, perhaps a little older? I blamed you. You were still an immature kid who refused to grow up. Why didn’t you? Did you think you were Peter Pan? It was your actions that left me alone. I began to see you for what you were: from fantastic, to fanciful, to frustrating and then just foolish. You just couldn’t accept that sacrifices would have to be made. Why? That’s just being mature! I extinguished your flame, made you feel small and insignificant. I trampled on your dreams. If I couldn’t achieve it, you certainly couldn’t either. How could you, if you needed my support to do it? I made you miserable and dejected, a part of a shadow of your former self. I left you further and further behind and you grew weak, timid. I could sense your tears yet still I shunned you.
I thought it was for your own good. You would thank me in the end.
You would come around eventually.
But it is me who has come around to you. How foolish have I been? I lost my way, allowing myself to be dragged further and further by those who thought they knew what was best for me. You knew me better than I know myself. You always have. I’m brave enough now to trust in you. Entirely. I have been deserted in a strange land. You are the beacon that draws me home.
Years of being lost in the wilderness have finally graced me with wisdom.
I thought you were a know-it-all, but I was naïve and didn’t know myself. You showed me the path I should have taken and I refused you. You infuriated me when your intention was to inspire. You had your head in the clouds, but I realise now. You perceived the view from the top where I must climb to feel happy and alive. I was too scared so I dragged you down. I wanted to bury you, out of sight and mind, but you only wanted me to bask in the sun! I tried to obliterate you. You tried to orchestrate my rise. In breaking you, I broke both of us. I treated you so appallingly. You, my bosom-friend, my wisest of teachers, my magical muse!
You were a fabulously fantastic friend and guide. You instilled in me a roaring lion’s heart. It beats fainter now, but we can feel strong and courageous again. I seek your counsel.
I hope you find it in your heart to forgive the lost and wretched mortal I have become. One day. I want to know you intimately once more. If you let me.
I want to come back home.
My older self.
JOIN IN THE DISCUSSION…
- What things do you regret that you could have done differently?
- What things would you have followed in your past in order to be happier now?