Unhappy woman in an abusive relationship

24th January 2016

He’s married. Well legally separated. I can’t believe my ill-luck! Is it selfish to want someone all to yourself? I don’t want to be contending with children, wives and his kids’ mothers. If we decided to have kids, where would ours fit in?

His wife Sonia, sounds like an absolutely nasty piece of work. So manipulative! If only he had found me first, he would never have had to go through such a hard love life. It wasn’t working out, so he wanted to break up with her, but when he tried to, she announced that she was pregnant! She trapped him! She must have known for ages that he was going to leave her and planned everything. I HATE women like that – gives us all a bad name. He wanted to do the honourable thing by his child and stay in his life. He’s mustered up the courage to ask for a divorce and by some miracle, she has consented.

My parents think it is too messy. Yeah, I agree with them. There’s A LOT of baggage there. But he has told me he only has eyes for me. He can’t wait to move out, but because of financial difficulties he is having to resort to sleeping on the couch.

Maybe we should try and rent a place together? It would be cheaper than him getting a place on his own. I am jumping the gun a bit, aren’t I?

He wants me to meet his son, Elijah.

25th January 2016

Elijah is very sweet. He’s thirteen months old, and looks like his dad. It’s too much for me. I haven’t dated before and I can’t be dealing with kids as well. I need to have some fun before dealing with baby drama. We took him in his pram to Greenwich Park. It’s so beautiful, but too cold to be appreciated fully.

I must come back in the summer when all of the flowers are out and see if I can spot the deer. Last year I spent two hours looking for the deer. I hadn’t a clue where I was going and kept getting lost. But I never gave up and found a little one grazing. My feet were aching with the effort, but it was worth it.

Marcus asked if I could change Elijah’s nappy. Me? He’s definitely got the wrong person! I’ve never changed one yet, and the only nappy I will be changing is my own child’s. The crying and the stopping to feed him kind of ruined the whole date experience, but that’s what you have to do if you have fatherly duties. I’m not selfish, but I don’t want to be at the bottom of my first boyfriend’s list of priorities. I’m going to have to think things through.

Marcus is really sweet though. He says he really likes me, but understands if his situation makes we want to break things off. He’s so considerate! At the end of the day, being my friend is enough for him, but anything else is a bonus.

28th January 2016

Marcus isn’t returning my calls that much and he can’t text or Whatsapp. It’s not his fault though, but his oppressive wife’s. If she realises that he wants to move on she’ll threaten to stop him having access to see Elijah. How awful – and she’s already put Marcus through so much already! I definitely don’t want that on my conscience. Sonia is an absolute ogre – she should go to hell!

They are both on holiday from work, so Marcus can only contact me out of the house or when she has gone out. It’s like covert opps. He’s even resorted to changing my name in his mobile phone contact to Nigel to stop her getting suspicious if she rifles through his phone – she is so controlling!

My friends don’t get it. They just keep rolling their eyes. Well they can just keep rolling them! What do they know about our relationship – NOTHING! They don’t fully know what Marcus has been through. They are so judgemental. I think their secretly jealous that I am happy now. They could always laud the fact over me that they had partners and I didn’t, but now they can’t.

I am too furious with them to concentrate on my second round of interviews. Hopefully I’ll be able to think straight tomorrow.

29th January 2016

This secret communication (when we manage to get in contact) is so stressful! Can you believe it, once his wife was so suspicious he was having an affair that he came home from work one day to find the locks changed! He would never do that – he is too honourable.


People always think that abuse is male on female. It does happen the other way around too. If people woke up to this fact, men would no longer have to suffer in silence.

My sister is banging on about me not being as focussed. She should concentrate on her own life and mind her own business!

I need to do something to help him.

31st January 2016

My second interview is just around the corner (3rd Feb) and I can’t think straight. Why is everyone being so inconsiderate towards me right now? Everyone thinks he is playing me for a fool. They should butt out!

Dad says I should just concentrate on nailing the second round. How can I? Poor Marcus is in an abusive relationship and I am the only one that understands him. He needs me. I have to help him somehow. Playing the piano is helping to calm me down – nearly always does. I just need to hear his voice to know that he is okay – that will put me at ease.

I can’t afford to tell anybody – I know what their reaction will be, but I’ve bought him another mobile on contract. He didn’t ask me to, but at least his wife won’t find out (fingers crossed!). I don’t have that much money as it is, but at least it will help him out. It just means I’ll have to have two piano lessons a month instead of three.

It’s worth it.

1st February 2016

Marcus is so grateful to me for buying his phone that he wants to help me prepare for my interview. Luckily the Ogre has gone away to her sister’s for a few days and taken Elijah with him, so he is more relaxed.

Since his wife’s gone we’ve been speaking on the phone every 2 hours for at least fifteen minutes. He has invited me to his cousin’s party. Tomorrow. Wow – this relationship must definitely be serious! I should be doing last minute preparations for my second round. But I want to be there for him. I’ll just have to get up a little earlier tomorrow to fit it all in.

I haven’t done as nearly as much preparation as I should have. You know what they say – fail to prepare and prepare to fail. It’s hard juggling your life with a relationship. I’m not one for leaving things up to lady luck, but I really hope she’ll be with me on the 3rd.

Anyway, Marcus will be there to help me. We’re meeting at a café tomorrow for a mock interview session. He’s going to treat me to lunch too – what a great boyfriend I have!

2nd February 2016

Marcus turned up half an hour late (3:30pm says he overslept) – never mind. It was probably one of the best night’s sleep (well into the afternoon!) he’s had in ages, not having to sleep with one eye open. And he forgot his wallet in his other bag, rushing out to meet me lol. Lunch was on me, but he promised to get it next time. He tried to help me prepare but his head was not in it, so after 10 minutes we just talked.

It turned sour when we arrived at his cousin’s party (or so I thought). Marcus’ best friend Dimitri met us at Stratford station at 7pm, and drove us for around 20 minutes to our destination.

My boyfriend left me virtually by myself, talking with everyone else and forgetting I was there. I socialised with a few of the women there. None of his family were there – apparently his close friends he calls cousins. He said we could leave at 9pm. At first I didn’t want to seem impolite, but in the end I had to beg him to leave around 10:30pm. He wasn’t happy. I would have left on my own but his ‘cousin’s’ place was not accessible via public transport. I have maxed out my credit card, I am overdrawn in my current account and wanted to use the last £25 cash I had (my only money left in the world) for a train home – I was that desperate! But Marcus refused point blank (I said I would pay for a travelcard for him!) even though he knew I had an impending and crucial interview. So after Dimitri dropped us at Stratford Station we ended up taking 3 buses home. Why didn’t I just leave him at Stratford? He didn’t even phone to ask if I got in safely!

My nerves are fried and I’m so tired. It’s 3am and I’ve tried to cram in as much information as I can.   Hardly any work done. What’s the point? This second round is going to be disastrous – I just know it. At least the torture will be over in a few hours.

Has our diary writer learned the error of her ways? Will her second interview go better than expected??? Find out in Chapter 5…


  • Why does our diary writer believe everything Marcus says?
  • Are there enough warning signs for our diary writer to leave Marcus?

Missed some? Catch up here:

Chapter 1   *   Chapter 2   *   Chapter 3

Credits: Original Picture by GraphicStock

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