Unhappy woman in an abusive relationship

4th January 2016

Okay, Diary. When should I meet him? As if you could actually answer, lol! Maybe Wednesday? That mightn’t be too good. He might be working and too tired to want to go anywhere. A weekend would be better – more relaxing. I’ll ask him if he can do Friday night somewhere up central. Maybe near Charing Cross? – that’s where we both got off anyway. Oh gosh, I’ll phone him. Tomorrow. I’m not sure what to say. Why do I get so nervous? I’ll speak to Chantal first – she’ll give me some good advice.

It’s so cold here. I really think it’s going to snow. I hope not though. I really don’t understand why people get so excited about it. The transport links will grind to a halt! Fingers crossed it won’t happen when I’m supposed to meet Marcus. Whenever that is.

5th January 2016

Well today has been disappointing. I spoke to Chantal, and she thinks that Friday would be good also. I had to psyche myself up to phone him. Chickened out five times and almost hung up when I mustered the courage to phone him on my mobile a few hours ago. It went to voicemail, so I left a message. I swear my voice comes out so babyish! I haven’t heard back yet. Maybe he is working late.

I’m improving a little with my verbal reasoning tests, but I need to get a lot faster. Practising two a day should hopefully do the trick!

6th January 2016

The snow hasn’t appeared yet, at least not down here – thank goodness! Rae has returned to Leeds – family emergency. Her favourite uncle has been rushed to hospital. They are doing tests but they don’t know what is wrong with him. I’ve met Roger a few times – he’s hysterical! I hope he recovers.

Still nothing from Marcus. Am I wasting my time? The speed dating session is tomorrow. Maybe I can drag Chantal with me for moral support. I’m sure her boyfriend won’t mind – it would be for a good cause after all! I’ll ask her tomorrow.

I absolutely despise eTray exercises!

7th January 2016

Didn’t need to ask Chantal after all! He phoned me whilst I was busy applying for yet another round of jobs. I must say, the conversation was a little awkward and it was hard to hear since he was outside in a busy area it sounded like. He didn’t seem like the same confident train guy I met a few days ago. Lots of awkward silences which is weird. I’m used to conversations which flow, but maybe he is nervous. He doesn’t know me well, after all.

He asked to meet me at half past midnight at a club. I’m not sure that is a good idea and that’s the early hours of Saturday morning, not Friday. I want to get to know him better and I can’t do that in a loud place. We have arranged to meet at Nando’s in Covent Garden at 8pm. I’ll have to eat a big lunch beforehand. I don’t want him to think I’m greedy!

I’m nervous and excited at the same time! Until tomorrow!

8th January 2016

A complete waste of time. I didn’t hear anything from him earlier in the day. I travelled to Covent Garden anyway and waited outside Nando’s for an hour in the cold! Even the waiters took pity on me and asked me if I wanted to wait inside, but that would be embarrassing waiting by myself.

How stupid am I? I never usually leave the house to meet friends unless we confirm beforehand.

I left lots of messages and texts on his phone. I WhatsApp’d him as well. No response. That’s a complete waste of a travelcard (and they’ve gone up in price!) and hours I could have spent preparing for my interview. The gorgeous black skinny jeans and the maroon top I bought today, however, I am not sorry about. It’s a pity he didn’t get to see me in it – I did look good! Well at least I got a Nando’s takeaway I suppose.

I don’t appreciate being stood up. He better have a good excuse.

10th January 2016

A week to go until the dreaded first round interview. Have read three books on interview technique. I think I’m well prepared to answer general questions. I just need to research the company. I’ve received more rejections (surprise surprise!). I just need to keep focussed.

Train boy can jog on! I won’t be falling for that stunt again. Dad doesn’t think he’s very interested in me to just stop contact. It’s his loss, I like to think. We could have had something special but I guess now, we’ll never know.

Daily piano practice is helping. I can only fit in an hour though which isn’t nearly enough. Now I can get to the second page of the ‘Revolutionary Study’ before my wrist starts to cramp. It needs more practice without the pedal.

It’s my birthday soon. One year older and in the same loveless predicament – the story of my life! Sigh.

12th January 2016

Hmmm. Marcus texted today. He was swamped with work at 8pm on Friday (I’m not sure what he does). Really, it took him that long to respond? More like come up with an excuse and not even a great one at that! Texting or leaving a message takes all of a few seconds. I’m not replying. My friends and family don’t think it’s an adequate reason to leave me stranded. Why do I attract no-hopers?

My interview is on Monday 17th January. I’ll concentrate on that instead because thinking of train boy is just depressing.

13th January 2016

The dreaded snow has arrived! I hate going out in the blistering cold. It’s time to get out the Ugg boots and gloves. It’s not settling properly yet, it’s more like a dusting of icing sugar.

Train boy texted me five times and called me twice! I didn’t respond straight away – teaching him a lesson lol. He’s very sorry and wants to make it up to me. Awwww. He wants to meet me on Friday at Nando’s again. I’ve told him that I’m not venturing anywhere unless he confirms beforehand and he’s assured me he would. I refuse to be caught out twice! And I can only stay for two hours.

Tomorrow is my birthday. Where has the time gone???

14th January 2016

32 – getting older is scary! I spent the whole of my childhood wishing I was older and now I just want time to slow down. My friends and family wanted to have a party for me, but I’ve postponed it until the Saturday after my interview. It’s making me incredibly nervous. This could change my life! I’ve done a bit of research on the company but I need to do a lot more. I’ve given myself the day off applying for other jobs (if you can’t do this on your birthday, when can you???) so today is more tolerable.

Should I postpone my meeting with Marcus until the interview is over as well? He is being sweet to me I suppose and he does seem remorseful. What the hell – two hours won’t kill me! It will give me something to look forward to. (I’ve nearly always had to prepare for, or take exams, or do coursework on my birthday. It does suck to be born in January sometimes!) Besides I’m curious as to what he’s really like in person and it would be nice to see his cute face again.

I’ll give him a chance.


Did our diary writer make the write choice? Find out in Chapter 3…


  •  Has the writer enabled Marcus to take advantage of her from the very start?
  • As the situation stands, should she ditch him or give him a chance?

Missed some? Catch up here:

Chapter 1

Credits: Original Picture by GraphicStock

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