Unhappy woman in an abusive relationship

21st March 2016

Keeping secrets is sooooo hard! I’m constantly welling with excitement and have to try and suppress it. It’s best not to tell anyone until things are finalised. It’s been a very busy few days (sorry Diary – I know I’ve neglected you!), viewing properties. They are depressingly expensive but we won’t give up hope.

I’ve been leaving the house more frequently than usual and my parents and sister are getting suspicious. But really, it’s nothing to do with them – I’m an adult! They can’t tell me what to do anymore. Anyway, I’ve told them that I’ve been going to recruitment agencies trying to find a job when I’ve actually been seeing estate agents. Marcus can’t do it understandably, because he is at work. But he has promised to view some on the weekend. I can’t wait! It will start to make things official.

I’m really going to have to find employment if this is going to work. Our relationship can’t fail. I couldn’t bear to have to return home to looks of ‘I told you so!’.


23rd March 2016

It’s agreed. Chantal will be staying round from Saturday for a few nights. I can’t wait! It’s a pity the others couldn’t stay too. Never mind. She’s brilliant at strategising and things seem to come so easily for her. She’s blessed in every department.

My blessings are arriving too!

I really want to tell her what is going on. I hope she will be happy for me! Marcus doesn’t think so and advises against it. He thinks she is interfering and wants to control every aspect of my life. He’s wrong, of course! 🙂

I hope they will at least be able to tolerate each other one day. They are both important to me. It would hurt too much to lose one of them.

Spring is officially here, though it doesn’t really feel like it. They days are getting brighter too so at least that’s something.

Going to Westfields tomorrow if I get all of my necessary work done!


24th March 2016

Got up super early today. 5am. Am really tired but I got a ton of work done. In fact, I’ve accomplished everything on my ‘to-do’ list – FEELING WELL PROUD! 🙂

Even managed an hour of technique practice (boring but must be done). I really have to focus on it. Repetitive exercises cause my mind to wander. I’m practising keeping a steady beat using my metronome. For some reason I keep getting faster and faster. I’m not as bad as what I used to be before, but it is still quite noticeable.

Is all this practice for nothing though? If I leave, I know my parents will be furious and we might not be able to afford anywhere big enough to take the piano with me. Would I be willing to give up a life-long goal for Marcus?

If it comes to it, I hope he’s worth the risk.

Went to Westfields in Stratford. I do love going there in the spring and summer and the Shepherd’s Bush one in the autumn and winter – I am weird, lol. It’s so picturesque travelling on the DLR, especially on a sunny day like it was today. I just wandered round the shops and treated myself to some fish and chips in the food court. I know, I shouldn’t be spending money where I can help it, but I deserve it!

I’ve even reserved two tickets for me and Chantal to go to a careers’ fair in Hammersmith on Saturday. It’s a step in the right direction.


25th March 2016

What should I do? Marcus was supposed to be viewing properties tomorrow, but can’t.  There’s one in particular, in Lee that he really wants to look at. It’s a two-bedroom (one for Elijah when he stays over) and apparently the price has been knocked down significantly. He’s not sure of the exact price, but thinks it is a bargain that he should be able to afford on his salary alone. He really needs me to go so he can snap up the deal before anybody else does!

We argued on the phone for at least half an hour. He knew I had a careers’ fair to go to with Chantal but he insists he must work so he can afford it. After all, it isn’t as if I’m much help financially, am I? I suppose it’s the least I can do, but Chantal won’t see it that way.

Marcus says that if she is a true friend, I should be able to tell her what is going on and she will be supportive of us. Friends want their friends to be happy. He actually said that my current situation gives her a superiority complex and that she loves having someone in a worse situation than her. She only wants to help me to lord it over me!

HE’S SO WRONG! He shouldn’t talk about her that way!

She’s coming to drop her bags here before we are supposed to leave. I’ll tell her everything then. She might even view the property with me. I know she’ll bring up his divorce papers – they still haven’t arrived yet.

Well, tomorrow might go drastically wrong or really well.

I’m really nervous!

Let’s just see what happens.


26th March 2016

I need a time travelling machine!  I should never have opened my big mouth! I’ve completely fallen out with Chantal. I plucked up the courage to tell her everything when she arrived and she flipped out! Even worse, she told my family. Marched straight into the dining room to tell them! She’s such a b*tch! How could I have been so wrong about her?

Today has been a complete disaster. Thanks to her meddling, I never got to see the flat and now a perfect opportunity has fallen by the wayside!

She never wanted to see me happy. Not really. I just can’t believe she’s that jealous! She’s one of my oldest friends – how could she do that to me? I feel so betrayed!

Can you believe it? She says that I know Marcus is no good and that I am self-sabotaging. I don’t think I deserve any better. Well she doesn’t know me at all!

She laughed in my face when I told her the divorce papers hadn’t come through yet.


She refuses to believe that Marcus will fund the first few months while I find a job.

She thinks it’s some sort of conspiracy – that he is derailing all of my attempts to find a good career. He wouldn’t do that to me. He regretted what happened the first time with my job interview and has been trying to make it up to me ever since.

Even worse, she doesn’t even believe Marcus has any intentions of getting divorced! How low can she possibly stoop?! Does she think I’m that stupid? I know him A LOT better than she does – I would know if he is lying. He wants to take care of me and there’s nothing wrong with that. It isn’t as if I’m going to be dependent on him forever – just until I find my feet.

But Chantal has made me look so stupid! She even told my mum, my dad and my sister about the mobile phone charges. Dad says I have no common sense and mum says she brought me up to be street-wise. My sister thinks I’m being taken for a ride.

Well I’ve declared war on Chantal. She can get lost. I picked up all of her belongings she brought around and threw them on the street. That will teach her! She can go to hell for all I care!

Everyone is ganging up on me and the only who gets me is Marcus. I cried for ages on the phone speaking to him. He was upset how things went with me and Chantal, but he says at least I can see her for what she is – a spiteful cow! It’s bad enough losing her, I don’t want to lose my family as well. I’ve pleaded with my parents and they’ll allow him half an hour to explain himself tomorrow.

Hopefully they’ll see what I see in him. He’s not bad at all, just misunderstood by many.

There’s no way he would go through all of this just to hurt me. What would be the point?


27th March 2016

And just when I thought things couldn’t possibly get any worse! The inquisition was awful. My parents interrogated Marcus for 20 minutes without me there. I wasn’t allowed anywhere near the dining room. All I could hear from my bedroom was raised and heated voices. Then the dining room door crashed open and I ran down the stairs to witness my dad man-handle him and throw him out of the house!


I’ve never been so mortified! They assume he’s a user. My sister apparently gets bad vibes from him – what, is she supposed to be psychic?

And my phone has been ringing constantly. My other friends want to know what happened between me and Chantal. I’m sure they’ve turned against me after Chantal spinning her sob story.

Is true love supposed to be this hard?

I have no one except Marcus now and he’s now ignoring my calls. I don’t blame him. Hopefully he’ll calm down soon.

I am virtually alone.

And it hurts.

So much.

Find out what happens next in Chapter 8…


  • Why do manipulative people isolate people from others?
  • Should friends support you no matter what, or interfere if they genuinely believe you are making a bad decision?

Missed some? Catch up here:

Chapter 1   *   Chapter 2   *   Chapter 3   *   Chapter 4   *   Chapter 5   *   Chapter 6 


Credits: Original Picture by GraphicStock

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