13th February 2017
It’s absolutely great to be back at work!! ? Getting back into a familiar routine can really be a pleasant and welcome distraction. I got up super early and left home at 7:30am to make sure I wouldn’t bump into Marcus. I knew it would be highly unlikely I would see him at that time, but I still found it a little nerve-wracking. Hopefully that will pass over time. Mum, Dad and my sister were waving me off from the hallway, like I was going to my first day at secondary school lol. ?
I got to work early too, at least 40 minutes before most of my colleagues arrived. I was just making myself some tea and rehearsing in my head what I would say to Nigel, my boss, when sure enough my boss appeared. He asked if I could come to his office in 5 minutes. The interview (if you could even call it that!) was very informal and very relaxed. He said he knew I was a good worker and that he wouldn’t pry into my absence too much since he knew I would obviously have a good reason, so he was prepared to overlook it. He has known Brandon a long time and trusts his judgment, so he is willing to give me another chance to prove myself. I told him I wouldn’t let him down.
It’s always nice to see Brandon, Sebastian and Amara but today was especially so. I can’t even begin to adequately describe how fantastic it feels to have such a great support network around me. It feels like I’m walking on air. I feel invincible – well almost. ? We were allocated the same hour to take our lunch break so we went to Nando’s. And I wasn’t self-conscious about how much I ate either, not like I would have been with Marcus. I must try to stop mentioning him – that’s the only way to put him behind me. I had an hour to kill after work had ended and Brandon wanted to buy a present for my sister for Valentine’s Day with my help, so we took a trip to Oxford Street in an attempt to find something suitable for the occasion. We searched in a few jewellery shops for an unusual necklace – she does like unique-looking items, that sister of mine! In one of the jewellery shops, the sales adviser put his foot in it by calling us a lovely couple and enquiring how long we had been dating. It was extremely awkward but we managed to laugh it off and also purchase a stunning silver necklace with an amethyst pendant attached to it.
It was 8pm when I arrived home. Brandon will be coming home with me tomorrow before going out for a romantic Valentine’s evening with my sister. I hope she realises just how lucky she is – he is truly special!! But then again, so is she.
14th February 2017
Another Valentine’s Day by myself. I know it’s better to be alone than to tolerate someone who treats you badly and disrespects you, but it’s still depressing. I must admit though, I wasn’t entirely forgotten.
Around 3pm, a courier came to my workplace looking for me, dressed like a cherub. It would have been highly comical to me, had he not, in front of my colleagues, read an AWFUL love poem written by Marcus declaring his love for me and presenting me with an engagement ring. Most of the office was cheering and looking at me eagerly to see what my reaction would be. I admit, initially I felt on top of the world, but then this gave way to incredulity and anger that he had the audacity to try to worm his way into my heart and affections yet again. Brandon, Sebastian and Amara were the only ones in the office not smiling and Brandon sat in stony silence. I calmly asked the courier to leave and return the ring and the poem to the sender.
And that was that.
He can’t keep harassing me at work. It’s not fair!!
The rest of the working day dragged, and I was constantly pre-occupied with thoughts of Marcus. Would he be sad? Would he be angry with me? Would he be waiting outside demanding a reason for my refusal?
HE SHOULD ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER!!!
Brandon and I returned to my house in companionable silence, but not before I made him swear not to tell my sister what happened earlier on. He didn’t look comfortable keeping secrets from her, but he reluctantly agreed.
They are just leaving now, going to some posh Nepalese restaurant and Theatre in the West End. That’s enough from me for one Day Diary. I need to do some piano practice and I’ve already wasted enough time as it is.
3rd March 2017
Life is getting better. Counselling is helping me to progress, so much so that I don’t have to write too much in my diary anymore. I don’t have any STIs. I’m trying not to hang out with Brandon too much anymore. Typical – I think I have feelings for him (I know he did for me before he started dating my sister) and I don’t want to put him in an awkward position with regards to secrets etc. So, I’ve been spending more time with Amara and Sebastian. Fortunately, he’s over that awkward incident in Marks & Spencer so things are back to normal with us. Actually, things are even better. All three of us like visiting Museums, so we’ve decided that we will start visiting one on the first Saturday of every month, starting tomorrow at the British Museum. And even better…it’s FREE too!!
I also revealed to my sister what happened to me on New Year’s Eve. She was livid and tearful since she didn’t want her suspicions to be correct, but she was glad that I was getting the support I needed. I also revealed to her what has happened since then and that he is now sending his little boy to nursery around the corner. She has told me to contact her immediately if he starts harassing me again.
It is very true… the more you can detach yourself from a toxic person, the more you can see them for what they are in an objective light. I still think of Marcus everyday, but not as intensely. Nigel also agreed to bring my workday forward by an hour, thereby reducing my risk of an encounter with him.
I’ve now had four counselling sessions. It has definitely made me realise that I seriously need to work on myself if I don’t want to be in this situation again. I check my phone for contacts made by blocked numbers just before my counselling session. Trainboy has only contacted me once so far this week, so his attempted communication with me is gradually decreasing. But to be honest, I don’t know how I will feel when his contact eventually stops. I know it’s stupid but I’m beginning to miss him again. I actually miss my rapist!! But I don’t know how I’d react if I saw him again – I still get nervous and scared when I leave the house for goodness sake!! We did have some good times together. I don’t want him to be unhappy. I couldn’t bear it if he was miserable, upset and torturing himself. I want him to be able to move on with his life, like I’m trying to do. I want to forgive him so he feels better about himself. I’ve told Nikki and although she’s told me that although she acknowledges it is very hard to switch off your feelings as quickly as you would like, she is quite concerned that Marcus’ Valentine’s Day stunt to reel me back in is starting to work.
Which means he has got inside my head again.
Or he never left.
MEANWHILE…JOIN IN THE DISCUSSION…
- Why do you think Marcus sent the courier to our Diary Writer’s workplace?
Missed some? Catch up here:
Chapter 1 * Chapter 2 * Chapter 3 * Chapter 4 * Chapter 5 * Chapter 6 * Chapter 7 * Chapter 8 * Chapter 9 * Chapter 10 * Chapter 11 * Chapter 12 * Chapter 13 * Chapter 14 * Chapter 15 * Chapter 16 * Chapter 17 * Chapter 18 * Chapter 19 * Chapter 20 * Chapter 21 * Chapter 22 * Chapter 23 * Chapter 24 * Chapter 25 * Chapter 26 * Chapter 27 * Chapter 28 * Chapter 29