STORY CORNER: DIARY OF AN ABUSED LOVER (CHAPTER 21)

Unhappy woman in an abusive relationship

24th December 2016

Seriously, where does the time go??? I can still remember last Christmas like yesterday – getting ready to make the cheesecake and jam roly poly. No doubt everyone who is coming is expecting the same deserts this year. I want a change though. I haven’t told anyone yet. I really hate my food baby tummy – it’s always there! I’ve tried everything but now I’m desperate to get rid of it before I sleep with Marcus. I feel excited and queasy just thinking about it! So I’ve been doing a lot of research and I could be intolerant to wheat, even though the doctors said I wasn’t. At the end of the day I have to do what is best for me. I’m seriously cutting down on it – maybe have it once a week? I tried this last year with disastrous results. I was lightheaded, weak etc., but this time it hasn’t been too bad, in fact it’s been the total opposite – I feel less bloated already! My family like my alterations. I made a small buckwheat and mushroom risotto today with roast chicken for dinner and they liked that. And for lunch today I substituted our usual wholewheat pasta for wholegrain spelt pasta – and could they tell the difference????

NO lol! 🙂

I’ll let them in on my private joke…eventually.

I’m even going to start making my own spelt bread. Trying to find it in the supermarkets is a massive headache – if you do happen to find it’s a miracle, only to find that they’ve added sunflower seeds to it – YUCK!!! And the prices in the artisan bakeries are extortionate! It’s about time I invested in a breadmaker. I do love fresh bread.

I’ve wrapped all of my gifts and placed them under the Christmas tree. I was even going to start preparing for the Christmas dinner tomorrow but Marcus phoned me. I wasn’t expecting that at all, being away with his ex-wife and child and all, but it was lovely to know he was thinking about me. He wants to know what I’ll be wearing for him on New Year’s Eve – he hopes it’s something sexy. I’m a cotton nightie kinda gal – there’s nothing wrong with comfort (besides I’ve never had anyone to dress up for) – but I suppose I should best make an effort and get something in the boxing day sales.

How useless am I at dirty talk? Marcus thought my awkwardness was amusing! My family still don’t know we are together and there’s no way I can ever run the risk of them overhearing such a conversation so I went outside the house to talk to him, just like he does. I shouldn’t be too hard at myself – I am a complete novice in unfamiliar territory. I’ll keep practising.

Right I’m off to bed – got an extremely early morning start!! 🙂

25th December 2016

I wonder what he’s up to??? I hope he’s not having too much of a good time with his ex. I know I sound insecure, but I can’t help it. I text Chantal merry Christmas but I haven’t received a response – I seriously don’t know why I was expecting anything different. She could be busy entertaining guests though. I spoke to Rae and Perry. Brandon, Sebastian and Amara also phoned – the three amigos are having Christmas dinner with Brandon’s family. I bet Amara must have mixed emotions with Brandon’s brother being there.

I’m so tired, I’m literally nodding off as I write this. Auntie Rosalin, Granny Dee, Granny Helen, Uncle Ken and Auntie Sue all enjoyed my roast lamb and my sister’s roast chicken and they loved my spelt apple crumble after they got through the disappointment of not having jam roly poly or cheesecake. The Christmas television was quite unappealing this year, but it was nice to catchup with relatives – we really need to see each other more often, not just for special occasions and bank holidays.

Uncle Ken and Auntie Sue gave me £400!!! I’m so happy!! That’s my breadmaker sorted. I can even buy one that has a gluten free setting now.

Marcus phoned me yet again. I couldn’t answer so he text me asking me to skype him. I’ve never skyped him before so it was exciting that I could get to see his lovely face. He’s so crazy lol! He actually wanted me to strip naked in front of the web camera as a preview for the 31st December. He pleaded with me for 5 minutes. The thought that he wants me so much feels a bit empowering, but exposing myself in front of a web camera of all places is a complete no no. I’ve heard lots of horror stories about people who have done such things and it’s not worth the risk. What if his computer is compromised?

Plus, I’m still not there with my confidence yet. I’m hardly his usual type after all.

The disappointment on his face!  I almost felt sorry for him. I bet he thinks I’m going to flake out of having sex with him.

I won’t. I always try to keep my promises.

It’s 3am and I haven’t been to bed yet. Is there any point? The sales start in a few hours, and I need to be at the front of the queue when the doors open. Oh there’s nothing for it – I’ll get some shut eye, and wake up 4:30am – my body won’t thank me for it, but my purse will lol. 🙂

26th December 2016

I bought my breadmaker and more importantly my nightwear for New Year’s Eve. I tried on some gorgeous crimson silk babydoll lingerie, which flatters my complexion perfectly, but Marcus insists that it should be white. So I got ivory coloured instead (a fair compromise I think). I don’t feel like myself looking like this – I look lovely even with the huge craters under my eyes, but it’s not really me. But how would I know if I haven’t really made an attempt to explore my sexuality?

I received yet another call from Marcus this evening. This time he wants me to send him a topless picture of myself to his mobile. He assures me that he will delete it as soon as he’s viewed it. Funny how he hasn’t even mentioned reciprocating! He will be receiving yet another refusal lol.

I might, however, send him a picture of me with the ivory babydoll lingerie on tomorrow if the bags under my eyes have gone sufficiently.

Gosh, I forgot!! My sister asked me weeks ago to go to the New Year Fireworks in Central London. I’m going to have to think of a plausible reason why I can’t go. What excuse should I make??

I’ll sleep on it.

27th December 2016

I bumped into the three amigos today whilst I was out gallivanting with my sister. It could have been potentially disastrous, especially if the office Christmas party came up in discussions, but luckily it didn’t. Those glances between Brandon and my sister could be though. I can’t take any chances – there’s no way they can get together or have a friendship under any circumstances, which is a shame because they both have chemistry. But why is she even looking in his direction? My family should all think I’m going out with him, unless my sister suspects otherwise (damn her intuition!).  I know I’m being selfish, possibly ruining their potential happiness (although I’m probably getting way ahead of myself) and Brandon is far from a gossip, but he knows far too much about me, and Marcus and I can’t afford for him to reveal everything to her.

All hell would break loose!

At least not yet.

Hopefully in the next few days, I’ll be able to reveal our relationship.

Marcus returns tomorrow. I sent him a picture of me in my babydoll lingerie – he should definitely like it! I’ll tell my sister early on New Year’s Eve that one of my friends has just had a massive fight with her boyfriend and needs cheering up. I know she’s excitedly been making preparations for the fireworks – I hope it won’t be too much of a massive blow to her. I haven’t been spending nearly as much time with her as I should have. Hopefully, she’ll be able to find someone else to go with.

He returns tomorrow. That queasy feeling has started up all over again. 🙁

 

Will the build up to the new year enable our Diary Writer to gain a new perspective? Find out in Chapter 22…

MEANWHILE…JOIN IN THE DISCUSSION…

  • Is our Diary Writer becoming just as manipulative as her ‘boyfriend’?
  • Has she made the right decision in not sending naked pictures of herself or exposing herself on web camera to Marcus?

Missed some? Catch up here:

Chapter 1   *   Chapter 2   *   Chapter 3   *   Chapter 4   *   Chapter 5   *   Chapter 6   *   Chapter 7   *   Chapter 8   *   Chapter 9   *   Chapter 10   *   Chapter 11   *   Chapter 12   *   Chapter 13   *   Chapter 14   *   Chapter 15   *   Chapter 16   *   Chapter 17   *   Chapter 18   *   Chapter 19   *   Chapter 20

Credits: Original Picture by GraphicStock

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3 thoughts on “STORY CORNER: DIARY OF AN ABUSED LOVER (CHAPTER 21)

  1. Hi. I really like your Story Corner posts, this story in particular. It’s going really well. Can’t wait to see what happens next!!