DID YOU JUST ASK TO BE FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS??? (PART 2)

So why do others get angry with this proposal?

No commitment necessary - the friends with benefit relationship

1. They feel like they would be a temporary solution until something better comes along

The angered person may appreciate the fact that the FWB proposer doesn’t want to commit because they have just come out of a relationship or are going through a difficult or stressful time. Nevertheless, they don’t want to be treated like a short-term, no-strings-attached fix until someone else comes along who the proposer thinks is worthy of committing to.

2.  They feel it will be detrimental to their sense of self-worth

The person angered by the proposal does not want to be regarded merely as objects. They don’t want to be used just to satisfy another person’s needs.  They feel that they deserve more and they want that emotional connection.  They want a relationship where they feel valued, loved and where this is reciprocated. They want to connect on all levels.

 3. They believe it is disrespectful

The offended/angry person feels that this proposal highlights a lack of respect towards them. If a person really liked, cared for and valued them, they would never dare to ask. The angry/offended person would have preferred to just be friends.

4. They realise it is highly unlikely that the person ever intends to commit to them

Whilst sometimes everything does work out for some friends and they take their relationships to the next level, most of them don’t. Most do not get that fairy-tale ending. That crude expression which I hate ‘why buy the cow when you can get the milk is for free?’ springs to mind. To the person offended by the FWB proposal, they know that if there is no commitment from the start, the chances of it happening further down the line are slim indeed.

5. They don’t want to run the risk of getting hurt

The offended/angry person knows that there is the real danger of developing feelings for the unattached person later on (if they haven’t already). They don’t want to end up pining over (or even worse, fall in love with) someone who is emotionally unavailable and who has declared it from the start. After all, you could potentially face the double whammy of grieving over wanting the FWB proposer to treat you like a proper boyfriend/girlfriend, and grieving for being naïve enough to think there was a possibility that you could make them want more. For the offended/angry person, it is not worth the heartache, turmoil and tears.

6. They don’t want to be one of the possible many

Unless you have both agreed to be mutually exclusive then how do you know if you are just one of many with the same arrangement? Could you really handle the FWB proposer flirting and sleeping with other people?  Even if you could, how could you guarantee that protection is always used to reduce the chances of contracting an STI? Would you even have any right to complain about their promiscuity? The offended/angry person desires a relationship based on mutual exclusivity to be protected from this sort of scenario.

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So is there a solution???

Find out in Part 3…

 

Missed some? Catch up here:

Part 1  

 

Credits: Original Picture by GraphicStock

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