ARE YOU A VICTIM? TRAUMA AND THE MISCONCEPTION CURSE

Uncalled for.

A girl angry and frustrated

Crushing.

Soul-destroying.

These are the words that spring to mind when those who are closest to you and are supposed to know you the best have highly misplaced opinions of you, your behaviour and your actions. Your whole personality and characteristics stem from one or more traumatic experiences that you have suffered. Indeed, the life you lived before and the person you were and still are, doesn’t even factor into the equation. It might as well be your date of birth, or day dot, because it is one of the only time references about you that is ever made! In fact, it is not even archived, but at easy access right out in the open, just waiting to trip off the tip of someone’s tongue to remind you of the woes that have befallen you.  Even your every breath is linked to that precise moment in time.

Now I am highly aware that in some cases traumatic incidences can cause devastating effects on your life and can even effect your psyche subconsciously. I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS. For those of you who are suffering in this way, I would recommend talking to a counsellor or a non-judgmental and trustworthy friend or relative. It certainly does help to confide in someone.

I am referring to those who have been through awful experiences and are working through them, but whose behaviour and actions are related to their natural personality and characteristics alone, undistorted by what has befallen them.

You are constantly trying to prove to others that you are turning a corner.  That dark place in your life will be well and truly done with.

Over.

Kaput.

You are emerging to the surface where the sun shines brightly. You just want to move on. The path whilst not quite clear, leads ever onwards and upwards.

So why does it seem like others are trying their best to drag you back down?

Some, do have the best of intentions, but their perceptions are misplaced. If you attempt to do anything that isn’t in keeping with their limited expectations of you, then it must obviously be down to that trauma you faced earlier.

Take, for example, you go above and beyond to save a creature’s life because you respect all living things, and are very caring, yet the people who are supposed to know you the best, diagnose this as someone who is still suffering from the effects of abuse suffered at an earlier age. The response is so out of the blue and so far removed from your thoughts that you plummet from your euphoric feeling.  Indeed, you don’t know whether to laugh in their faces, be mad at them for dredging up past memories or let their ignorance slide. They have obviously awarded themselves invisible honorary psychology degrees, and have become empaths feeling your pain and suffering!  Others like to remind you out of spite. For some people are natural-born twists that always like to stir up discontent, ill-feeling and trouble and love to rub salt in wounds you are trying to heal. But whatever their motives, one thing is apparent: they will never make you forget!

And how does this make you feel? As hard as it may be, I really need you to honestly assess your feelings here. Angry that this traumatic incident happened, angry that others brought it up yet again, or both? Are you feelings as raw as when the trauma and its immediate aftermath occurred? Are you reduced to floods of tears? If so, then it could feel like they have dragged you screaming thousands of paces backwards.

Into darkness.

Into bleakness.

And now you have to make the arduous journey back to the light. But you have more strength than you realise. A lion roars inside of you.

Return to safety.

Return to purpose.

Return to living.

What should you do?

Well, for the ones that assume the mantra for malicious motives – cut them out! Toxic people are anathema to your well-being and happiness. They do not want you to succeed. It is pleasurable for them to keep you in your place – to see you broken and wounded. Don’t give them that satisfaction. Leading a successful, happy life is the best revenge!

For the ones whose intentions are benevolent yet misplaced, explain to them that they are mistaken. Sometimes, this might in fact help and the issue won’t be brought up again. But some refuse to listen, having 100% belief in their misconceptions. They will most likely breathe life into dying dogs (no sleeping ones if you really want to overcome your trauma!) over and over again, despite of your protestations. This is not conducive to your progress and well-being. If it is necessary, cut these people out also, since they can be as harmful as the malicious. Or if that is too difficult or seems impossible, don’t dignify them with a response (history would have repeated itself far too many times to waste even more of your energy!) and walk away. Remove yourself from the vicinity to de-stress or find something pleasurable to do to calm down – drowning their voices out with good music is a good option!

It can be extremely hurtful and saddening to know that the people you thought knew you could constantly read things so badly. Yet every storm cloud has a silver lining. You don’t need to prove anything them. You only have to prove it to yourself.

You know you are healing, when that pain they remind you of on each occasion gradually lessens.

And when you can encounter it without negative emotion?

Congratulations – you are healed! Continue walking onwards and upwards on your path.

 

Credits: Original Picture by GraphicStock

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