Are you a side chick? Have you been analysing your partner’s actions over and over again, scratching your head raw trying to find out? Is it bordering on paranoia?
Firstly, I must state that although I have approached this post from a female perspective looking at a male’s actions, it equally applies the other way around or in any other type of lover relationship. So keep reading…
I don’t really want to get into the morals of being the side chick – that’s a whole different blog post! Some women don’t mind being one. They don’t have to put up with the commitment of an actual relationship and it suits their lifestyle.
Others, like me, don’t want to be in that category.
I want to be in a mutually exclusive relationship. I would hate to disrespect someone by cheating with their partner, or even worse, disrespect myself (as I see it). The aftermath of an affair and the devastation it causes can have far-reaching consequences for everyone involved.
The snag is that you don’t always know what category you fall into.
How can you be sure that your boyfriend is just as invested as you are in your relationship? How can you be sure that you are not unwittingly just a mistress? Is your relationship with your ‘significant’ other making you a cheat without you even knowing it?
Are you being played for a fool?
Beware…beware…BEWARE of the signs…
1. He only phones you when he is outside
Your boyfriend only phones you when he is outside on the move, going to work etc. This happens on nearly every occasion – away from flapping ears, maybe?
2. You don’t know where he lives
You have been seeing him for a while and he has seen your place, but he keeps making excuses as to why you can’t visit him at his. When you press him further, he will only give you vague details of his residential location – as useful as saying ‘I live in the UK’.
3. And if he has to invite you around to his…
He sneaks you in, like he is harbouring the most wanted fugitive in the whole world! He will go out of his way, scanning the vicinity to ensure that neighbours, family and friends don’t see you. He is so proficient at it that he could work for MI5 or MI6! Indeed, he has been deployed on a most secret mission – and there will be no trace that you were ever there.
4. He won’t add you to his Social Media accounts
‘I don’t do social media’, is usually his excuse. While some people genuinely don’t for whatever reason, others are just straight up lying! He doesn’t want to run the risk of being caught out by his social contacts. And he definitely doesn’t want to run the risk of you mentioning him in your updated relationship status on Facebook etc. After all, if you can see him on social media, chances are that it is only a matter of time before his actual long-term partner can see you!
5. He doesn’t meet your friends or family…
Your boyfriend makes no attempt to get to know your friends or visit your family. If friends or family are in your house, he will rudely sneak out like a ninja without acknowledging them. If there is no avoiding it, he will reluctantly meet them, keeping his head down like they are gorgons about to turn him to stone, should he look upon their monstrous presences!
6. And you don’t meet his
His family live far, far, far, far away in a different galaxy in another universe. And as for his mythological-like friends? Well they are all extremely busy at the time you enquire about them or are going through tough times. Yes, the timing is very unfortunate…
7. He never spends time with you during the major holidays
Something always comes up. A family emergency, urgent work. Your boyfriend might even start an argument a few days before which escalates leading to no contact – convenient, huh? You spend yet another Valentines, Easter or Christmas etc. without your beloved.
8. You never go out together
Getting all dolled up with nowhere to go because your boyfriend fails (yet again!) to show up is depressing and outrageous. Excuses for his non-appearance rolls easily off of the tip of his tongue – if he is gracious enough to provide a reason and an apology for his absence (maybe a few hours or days later) – but generally you do not hear anything. Weeks (even months!) go by without you seeing him in the flesh.
White noise and broken promises more familiar to you than your boyfriend is.
9. He’s saved your number under a different name
A possible nickname far removed from your actual name perhaps?? Could be… But if my name is Nadine and you are listing me as Nathaniel in your contacts, something fishy is definitely going on!
Or if you are aware of his significant other…
10. He claims he is ‘separated’ from his partner but still living together
My personal favourite! His partner is a total (rhymes with witch) and ‘isn’t easy to live with’, so they have broken up. Your boyfriend tells you horror story after horror story about all the horrible things his partner did to him. He is attempting to search for a place to live, but for now he is just ‘sleeping on the couch’. Months later, even though his partner has accepted their relationship is over, there can’t be any sign that you are together in case it hurts their feelings.
11. He tells you he is going to leave his partner…but never does…
This can drag on for years and years, building your hopes only to dash them against cruel rocks. For him, there is always a reason why now is not the right time to break it off. There never is. Because you, unfortunately, were never the priority.
How many signs did you recognise (I sincerely hope you haven’t recognised any at all!). If you are unfortunate enough to recognise quite a few, don’t tolerate it any longer. You deserved to be loved, cherished and treated with the respect you deserve.
Someone special is out there for you…
Go and find them!